This fifth mindfulness practice will take us into the month of February, a time of year that is more often met with a groan of complaint than with a compliment, so what better way to spread some appreciative joy to others.
Instructions
Once a day over the course of this week, think of someone close to you, someone that you know well – a family member, a friend, a co-worker – and pay them a genuine compliment. The closer that person is to you, the better, such as a child or a parent. (Telling a stranger at the post office that you like their scarf doesn’t count.) The more specific the compliment, also the better…. “I appreciate the way you answer the phone so cheerfully.”
Become aware also of any compliments you receive from other people. Investigate the purpose of compliments and the effect on you of being given a compliment.
Reminders
Post the word “Praise” or “Compliment” in places where you’ll see it throughout the day. Set a midday reminder to be complimentary to somebody on your mobile.
Did you know?
This mindfulness practice could equally be said to be a “Mudita” practice. Roughly translated from Pali (the original language of the Buddha) this word means ‘appreciative joy’ and mudita is one of the four bramaviharas (divine abodes) to which people who practise insight meditation aspire. The other divine abodes are metta (lovingkindness), karuna (compassion) and upekkha (equanimity). All four can be objects of meditative contemplation.
Mark Twain has this to say on the subject…
I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
So go forth into this week galvanised by the words of this literary giant and experience some appreciative joy, some mudita, in the giving and receiving of compliments truly meant.
Really looking forward to hearing your stories and experiences.
Please Share the Intention
Image courtesy of LexnGer
James, I appreciate the way you write so clearly and share your wisdom so generously :-)
Why thank you Melissa :)
It’s a relief to find someone who can explain tinhgs so well
This has been interesting so far. I think I generally tend to take the opportunity to let people know I appreciate them,and to accept compliments with grace, but I’ve never scrutinised the process before. I have had my son at home since Friday with a nasty cough (he has now returned to uni). He was thanking me for looking after him and feeding him and making mugs of hot honey and lemon tea and I looked into his dear face and thanked him for appreciating my nursing. Simple. And beautiful. However, a few days ago, one of the members of my sitting group voiced her appreciation for the opportunity to come and sit and to meditate together in my safe space and there I was, feeling her appreciation when suddenly I became self-concious – aware that this was a ‘true compliment’ moment. This sudden self-consciousness seemed to interfere with the exchange, and so although I was pleased with the compliment and thanked her, I felt a bit unsettled. Perhaps it would have been a good idea to explore that openly at the time? I wonder if anyone else is experiencing any odd effects of this practice. By the way, I hope checkout staff aren’t actually off limits?! Bearing this week’s practice in mind I mindfully thanked a checkout person for her great attention to detail when she spotted that one of the eggs in my box of 12 was cracked. She actually seemed to grow in front of my eyes. This is a lovely practice and it’s been good to be reminded to look out for opportunities to be appreciative of others.
Nobody is off limits in this practice – after all manners maketh man! :)
For my part, I’m finding it rather difficult to pay meaningful compliments to my immediate family; efforts in that direction tend to slip into more generalised but mildly insipid everyday murmurings of affection. That’s OK, but these sort of comments require very little thought and are less taxing than the noticing and observation required of a true and specific compliment. So yes, an interesting practice and one that is really about intention and ‘right speech’:
May my speech be true, useful, timely and loving.
I’ve had a lot of reasons to give genuine spontaneous compliments this week, and that feels great. People respond in all sorts of ways, sometimes they beam, sometimes they look a bit embarrassed – and I find I’m ok with whatever happens, as long as the intention behind my words is authentic.
Conversely… I received a huge compliment from my boss and felt my cringe-o-meter go into overdrive. Glad I noticed, and still curious about my own response…
Looking forward to seeing what that wise old elephant has in mind for us for next week, and also aware of wanting to keep complimenting peeps.
Something I noticed this week is that even a genuine compliment is one that can be made for some ‘wrong’ reasons as well.
I found it interesting to notice that once you have a motive for making a compliment, to make someone feel better about you or themselves, that somehow lessens the value.
Even good and kind words need to be mindful as well.
Tessa, I think you hit the nail on the head :-)
Bless you Melissa, I shall take that as a kind and genuine compliment !
Yes Tessa, this question of motive has a definite edge to it – perhaps a genuine compliment is one that is made when there is no expectation of something in return…..easier said than done!