Welcome to the third of 52 Mindfulness Practices for 2012 – Simple, practical and elegant ways for living life more joyfully and fully.
Instructions
Become aware of the use of “filler” words and phrases and try to eliminate them from your speech. Filler words that do not add meaning to what you’re saying, such as “umm”, “ah”, “so”, “well”, “like”, “you know”, “kind of”, and “sort of.” Additional filler words enter our vocabulary from time to time. Recent additions might include “basically” and “anyway”. In addition to reducing the filler words, see if you can notice when and why you tend to use them – in what situations and for what purpose.
Reminders
It is mortifyingly difficult to notice yourself using filler words at first. Try to enlist the help of friends or family members. Children love catching and correcting their parents using filler words, though if you coopt them into this process, get them to raise their hands to point out your ‘filler’ otherwise you will be interrupted mid-flow with alarming frequency!
Another way to bring awareness to the filler words you use is to record yourself talking. Ask someone to use his or her mobile to record you in conversation unwittingly. Play it back and tabulate the fillers you use and their frequency.
It’s as simple as that. Enjoy!
OK, well, um, basically I’ll, like, give it a go, and, you know, see what sort of arises, so to speak, er, yeah? Chris, um, good luck, as it were, mate, innit. Right.
Melissa – a filler sentence no less….trying to get rid of them all in one go? :)
ps Thank you Lena for your words of encouragement during the Leave No Trace week. It’s good to be reminded about the theory of not worrying about ‘getting it right’ but I still find myself something of a novice when it comes to applying/ embodying it. Having said that, I do think that the anxiety diminished a little during the week. (Does ‘having said that’ count as a filler, eh??!)
Yes indeed, I echo Melissa’s words, welcome to the Embrace practice blog Lena and thank you for what you say. This finding the balance between intention and non-striving and also learning to be more gentle and forgiving of self is a key component of practice. There is no right or wrong way of experiencing these practices just as there is no right and wrong way of experiencing meditation; no gold star lying in wait for the perfect student. The invitation is to notice when we are judging ourselves or making comparisons and gently but firmly, bring ourselves back to the task in hand, letting the ‘judgement’ exit stage left.
Anxiety is fuelled by our own mental elaboration, we are after all, our own harshest critics. Mindfulness practice helps to create space around that.
Hi All
This is a great one for me, James. Already has me judging and cringing like mad at my use of fillers… I’m reminded of the saying ‘if you can’t say what you mean, you can’t mean what you say’. I’m setting this as my intention – and trying not to cringe too much.
Got to squirm to learn!
Hi Belinda, this is a fascinating practice because it is partly about learning to become comfortable with silences and the pauses between speech; being able to hold that space and dwell in it, rather than using filler words for emphasis or to cover up any uncertainty we feel over what we are saying.
I’ve had a few days this week when this practice has simply slipped under the radar completely which serves to show how deeply entrenched my unconscious habits are. When I do manage to shine the light of awareness on my speech I become conscious of how much my filler words are used to ameliorate a lack of clarity or confidence in what I am saying, particularly when I am uncertain about how what I say will be received!
This is a long term practice to tinker with – most definitely a work in progress which takes kindness, determination, patience and steadiness of intention.