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Week 20 – Say Yes

13th May 2012|Interpersonal Mindfulness, Weekly Practices8
Home » Mindfulness Blog » Interpersonal Mindfulness » Week 20 – Say Yes

This practice helps us to see how often we habitually take up a stance that is negative, oppositional or defensive in some way. This can take the form of thoughts (I don’t agree with what he is saying), body language (tensing muscles, arms crossed), speech (“That’s a stupid idea”), or action (shaking the head, rolling the eyes).

If we are able to watch our mind when someone is talking to us, particularly if they are asking us to do something, we can see our thoughts forming barriers and counter arguments. Can we resist the desire to disagree verbally? Can we watch our mental and physical attitude to things that we may be averse to doing and say yes anyway?

Instructions

Over the course of this week say YES to everyone and everything that happens. When you notice the impulse to disagree, consider whether it is really necessary. Could you just nod or even be silent but pleasant? Whenever it is not dangerous to you or others, agree with others and with what is happening in your life.

Why Practice Saying Yes?

Not expressing opposition helps us to let go of self-centred views and see that our personal opinion is actually not so important after all. It’s surprising how often our disagreement with another person is actually unimportant and only serves to increase our distress and the suffering of those around us. Saying yes can be energising, since habitual resistance is a persistent drain on energy.

These practices are adapted from How to Train a Wild Elephant & Other Adventures in Mindfulness by Jan Chozen Bays. You can find out more, read my review of and purchase this book from my Mindfulness Library (page 2)

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Image courtesy of renaissancechambara

13th May 2012 James Darby

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8 Responses to Week 20 – Say Yes

  • Melissa 13th May 2012

    Ok, well I’ve just made a start on this… A few minutes ago I said yes to organising an art exhibition for Mark Leonard (Projects and Development Manager at the Oxford Mindfulness Centre, and talented Artist). I hope that, if I actually manage to get something up and running, my fellow Wild Elephant Trainers will support the venture?!  If anyone knows anything about mounting an art exhibition, please feel free to offer help and advice :-)

    It’s amazing where a mindful ‘yes’ can lead.  Having given a presentation on neurofeedback and ACT last year, I was approached by a young man who wanted to do work experience in neurofeedback.  I said yes and ended up being invited to his wedding in India recently, which led me to a 10-day Vipassana retreat in Dharamsala!

    Reply
    • James Darby 14th May 2012

      How exciting, happy to support. You see, saying yes, who knows where it will lead you!

      Reply
  • dave 16th May 2012

    I will have to take another look at the movie YES starring Jim Carrey, got a feeling Mellissa is right, don’t forget to make it a mindful yes.
    Another good practice which is another facet of saying yes is don,t complain,its raining take an umbrella,you have backache go to the doctor but don’t complain.
    Always enjoy your emails James , you may not hear from some of us much but we are listening.

    Reply
    • James Darby 17th May 2012

      Dave, welcome to the Embrace practice blog and thank you for your kind and encouraging words. A good rule of thumb for a mindful ‘yes’ is to bear in mind the principle of ahimsa a term meaning to do no harm to oneself or others.

      Reply
  • Tessa 16th May 2012

    It is such a shame that over the years ‘No’ becomes our (sorry MY) default response. We imagine it to be ‘No’ to disappointment,effort,boredom, embarrassment even.
    But it’s also ‘No’ to new friends, experiences, tastes and mindsets.
    Sometimes you do try something outside of your normal sphere and it is a disappointment but strangely the world doesn’t normally end.
    I’ve just spent the afternoon with a comparative stranger at the Natural History Museum looking at dinosaurs. How was it ?
    Well the dinosaurs were pretty dull but the company was nice and I got to press all the buttons !

    Reply
    • James Darby 17th May 2012

      If I remember correctly lots more buttons in the science museum! Went a lot to both museums when my children were younger and I can say that they certainly played their part in influencing my son’s current scientific bent (a-levels ongoing and medical school come Oct, grades notwithstanding – fingers crossed on that one).

      I guess ‘yes’ encourages breadth of experience whereas ‘No’s are self-limiting, particularly in terms of beliefs. For much of my 20’s and 30’s the idea of getting up and speaking to a room full of people was anathema to me…, I hated it, believed I was bad at it and did everything I could to avoid it; too much fear of negative evaluation. Nowadays, I do it for a living (in a relatively small room admittedly, but a room nevertheless). What’s changed?…my beliefs about myself mainly and my mindfulness practice has most definitely helped with that.

      Reply
      • Melissa 19th May 2012

        Thank you for your courage James.  I’m sure lots of people have benefitted from it – I know I have… and the ripples go on.  I hope today’s retreat brings much to many.  I’ll be in Oxfordshire, but will spend a mindful moment or two tuning in to The Rectory Room. And Good Luck to everyone sitting exams!And happy button-pressing to anyone visiting museums this weekend :-)

        Reply
        • James Darby 21st May 2012

          The retreat went well but we missed you Melissa :)

          Reply

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